A Letter for the Grieving

Hi Uncle Cee:

 

I was pondering on what you wrote about the Holy Mother; how it helped you deal with losing the love of your life. And was reflecting on Mama Mary how she dealt with grief. 

• What was grieving like for her?
• How long did she grieve, when did she recover and what methods did she use?
• Who were the people who supported her during that time?
• How did she continue living life without Jesus Christ, losing the love of her life?
• What was it like for her to see the love of her life, Jesus Christ, suffered, crucified, put to death and buried?

Grief somehow opens up more questions.  Just like you, I questioned God and still do: WHY?  Why can’t you just take away Jan right now, why can’t you give her what she wants right now, Jan wants to die right now.  For years, 5 or longer, I watched Jan deteriorate, withering away, angry at God. Divine Retribution she says.  I say the God I know is loving, kind and merciful. 

Jan asked me to take her to a place to be euthanized.  My response was that she is not a cat; I can’t help her. Morbid sense of humour but Jan likes the blackness of it. Did God answer my questions, maybe He did.  Did I hear what God was whispering to the ears of my heart?  No. I was too busy listening to Jan and my heart ached for Jan. 

When I shared the Celebration of Life for Jan, I know I have arrived to that peaceful place where I can think of her fondly.  No tears, somehow tears won’t come and my heart is glowing with sweet surrender. 

How strange this grief I have for Jan in comparison to the death of my Mother.  And I know the next time someone dies close to my heart; it will be a different experience; for nothing can prepare me how I will feel.  I would have thought that since I welcome death as part of living, since I have taken cared of people with AIDs, since I have been trained to volunteer and counsel in the Hospice of St. Michael, I am well equipped.  Not really, I just have to have to go through it and enjoy the ride. 

I am alright, Uncle Cee.  Thank you for your help, prayers and concerns.  I hope I may be an instrument to your peace. I am here just a click away.  

Pax tecum.  Perpetua 

This is in response to DP Challenge: Writing Challenge Starting Over.   It’s fun.  Come and join us.

Pssst … Meet me at work at 5 PM today

What do you mean you don’t know how to get here?

Me:  It’s so easy to get here.

He:  I’ll drive and pick you up.

Me:  No.  Go Green.  Take the public transit

He:  Me?  Don’t know how?

Me:  Easy.  I’ll show you how.

 

Me:  The address is 1580 West Broadway, Vancouver.  Not East, OK?

He:  How do I get there from MetroTown?

Me:  Here’s a Trip Planner.  It will tell you where to go and you need $2.75.  The fare went up.  Not $2.50.  Make sure you have the exact change.  The machine does not give you change.  It takes credit card tho’.  Keep your ticket.  There’s plenty of Transit Police.  If you do not have proof of payment, you’ll get a ticket for $200.  That’s our one month’s grocery! 

translink trip planner 

He:  Ok.  That’s easy enough.  Where do I meet you.  Front of the building?

Me:  No.  At the back of the building?

He:  What do you mean at the back of the building?  Can you be more specific?

Me:  Ugh.  Do I have to draw you another map?

He:  Yah!

Me:  Click on the map on the trip planner.  OK? 

Pause:  (I have to think like a man here) 

Me:  I tell you what. Here’s a step by step instruction. 

1.  Once you get off the bus at the corner of Broadway and Granville, you will see Chapters Bookstore, across the street.  Go there.

2.  LOOK.  There is a look sign on the ground as you cross the street heading Chapters.  Look both ways, OK?

3.  Keep on walking straight, do not turn left, do not turn right.  Do not even dare to go shopping at Chapters.  Keep walking.

4.  At the corner street, I do not know the name of the street, at the end of the block, turn left.

5.  You will pass Restoration Hardware, an underground parking lot and a high-rise on  your right side.  Stay right, OK.

6.  After the high-rise.  You will see a park.  This is what it VSB back of the building.  It’s a park.  See the high-rise? 

VSB – Park. Back of the building

He:  Yah, yah, yah.  I can see VSB and the high-rise.  Ummm.  anymore landmarks.  Is there a place for me to sit?  A bench?

Me:  It’s raining for Pete’s sake. You’ll get wet sitting on the bench.  Walk on the side entrance and you will see these:

Pass this figure, turn to your left, up the ramp or stairs. You choose.

 

Me:  Do Not, I repeat, Do NOT imitate this!

Keep on walking. He`s not gonna play with you.

Me:  NOW, on your left, there is a glass door.  Open the door.  There is a seating area and you will see this.

Stand right here and pet the rabbit

Me:  Call me from your cell and I will be right down.

He:  Hi Honey, I`m here.